Gotsta' Do Better

Aiight, so... I know I done slacked off. I can't even remember the last time I wrote on this. I told myself I'm gonna' do better with it so here I am. Deonte is gonna' do better with his so I should better with mine. So, a quick update: Last time I wrote this, I believe I was livin' in Washington D.C. Well, my job ended up transferring me back to Atlanta, which isn't a bad thing. I make more money, it's MUCH cheaper to live, it's closer to home and for me, the ideal place to live. All in all, I'm happier being here, even though the job is much tougher here. It's funny how different Americans are demographically. You can go to White Plains, New York and then go to Alexandria, Louisiana and know you're NOT gonna' get the same group of folk! It's mad crazy, but I still love what I do. They fly the shit outta' me, but I love what I do.

Me and my relationship is going very well. Deonte is even more of a special part of me now than he's ever been before. Although he is still in Washington D.C., I have a firm belief that he will be in Atlanta soon. I guess the realization set in after his numerous visits on, "Why in the hell am I paying this much, when I could be paying this much for better?" Shit, I don't know either. Bring your ass down and find out (laughs). But nah, I love him more than ever and thank God for Delta bringing us to and from to keep us together.

All in all, I realized today that I am happy with my life. Love, relationships, job, location. I am happy. I got a few loose ends to tie up, but they shall be done and I can't complain at all. I'm just gonna' sit back, and see what the walls is gonna' look like. Otherwise, stay tuned. I will do better with this.

He Loved Me -- The "Fallin' In Love" Reply

     We all dream of having that special person in our lives that will make the difference. At one point in our lives we have sat down and thought about that one person who will love us flaws and all, and who can accept our quirky characteristics and look beyond our past and love us now and forever. Even through the scars left behind from past relationships, we've closed our eyes and had this imagery of the most beautiful person in the world to come through and remind us that there is a God that can bless us with such a loving and powerful person. Well, I can I say that that MISSION IS COMPLETE!

     After dealing with issues from my past relationship, this was something I never expected in my life right about now. Through the turmoil and misery that I went through, I figured there would be no more lights and the end of the tunnel... but then God sent me this amazing person in my life and brought the sunshine to my once clouded sight. Someone who has in the short time we've been together has already sculpted me into a better and mightier me and there is no way I can repay him for the wisdom and greatness he's instilled in me. My love is someone who has challenged me, but never gave up on me. He is someone that loved me in a time where I neglected to love myself. Yes, y'all... He Loved Me.

     So here we are - 3 months into this beautiful relationship, and I can say that he is my better half. In the flaws I lack, he definitely supplies the better part of me. He allows me to grow and forgives me for my past, loves me for the presence, and will be with me through the future. He is an phenomenal human being, a blessing friend, and an awesome lover. Although he is not a perfect man, he is perfect enough for me. If I never doubted that God could bless me with someone so great, he showed up in the form of Deonte Keller. So to him, I just want to say,

     "Deonte - Thank you for loving me. Each day I wake up, you're the first thing on my mind, and always the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night. As I walk through airports, sidewalks, malls, and even my house, a thought of you always manages to appear in my head. Guess you're always in my heart, huh? Even through our differences, we know that 'at the end of the day (lol)', we still love each other and we got each other's backs. Sometimes I ask myself why I could be blessed with someone like you? Well... I can be cocky about the shit now - it's because you deserve me just as much as I NEED YOU. I love you... Thank you for your unconditional love... even when you want to slap the fire out of me. You've brought out the best in me and I can't thank you enough for all that you do... and oh, you say I'm the best? Well, I am the best because I am with you. You make me the best."

Merry Christmas 2010

     Merry belated Christmas, y'all! I hope that everyone had a great and fabulous Christmas. I, personally, had a very interesting and unique Christmas to say the least. Not only was this the first Christmas I had with my new job, it was the first Christmas I ever spent totally all alone.

     I recently made my move from Atlanta, Georgia to Washington D.C. and so far, Washington seems a cool and interesting city. It has some Southern qualities about it which I like. I definitely prefer the Virginia side because it reminds me the most of what I'm used to. Downtown and the Maryland side is very cosmopolitan, but for the most part, I consider Washington to be a "northern" city. It has a whole different mindset compared to the South. One thing is for certain... folks in Washington can't drive for shit! After I got there, I was called into work to do a 4 day trip and it took me all over the East Coast. I spent my Christmas in Portland, Maine, which now makes Maine the 33rd state in my collection. Very beautiful state with lots of trees, islands... but damn was it cold. My black country ass ain't used to that shit anymore. I done got broken out of North Dakota and adjusted to the heat of South Carolina.

     I spent most of my Christmas with my flight crew eating Maine styled seafood with drinks and it was pretty good. Pricey, but good. It would've been nice to spend Christmas with my family... especially since my Mom's birthday is on Christmas. It's all good. I consider it a blessing to be able to help others get home. You know you never know the reason why people are traveling. I had a passenger who's Mom had died on Christmas morning and she was rushing home to get to them. She said I made her day by just smiling and giving her a hug. That's what makes my job worthwhile. Making people smile. What did I get for Christmas? I really didn't get anything on the day of Christmas, but I had other gifts.

     What I really wanted for Christmas was to spend time with the man that I'm growing to love... and I did. It wasn't on the exact day of Christmas, but I cherished the moments as if it was. We spent a few date nights together and I had such a great time, unforgettable in my opinion. I didn't want to leave him at all. It was so hard to watch him wave good-bye to me as I looked at him through my rear view mirror, but when duty calls, I have to answer. He makes me look so forward to not only going back to Washington to be with him and see his smile again, but he also makes me look forward to live there. I believe that as long as I have him by my side no matter where I am, he will make my life better. He's very special to me and I feel blessed to be able to share the feelings I have for him. I also got a few pieces of clothes from my parents, and a few other items. Nothing big, but I'm extremely grateful. Seeing my babes was my biggest Christmas gift this year.

     Christmas shouldn't always be celebrated by what gifts you receive under the tree, but for the person who hung on the tree. See, God's birthday should be the most celebrated day all year, and should make us realize that the best gifts don't have a price tag or a bow on the top of a box. The best prizes of all have a heartbeat and resemble us (our family) and they are the gifts that continue to give all year long. I know the special people I have in my life give and give all year long and I am so grateful for those gifts. I'm thankful... blessed. I'm sure they will continue to be a blessing to me wherever I am: Washington, Chicago, Miami, Atlanta... and that they'll be kept close to my heart.

Thus It Begins...

     Damn... this shit is wild as hell, y'all! Two years ago, I NEVER would have imagined myself where I am today. I mean, I was on top of the world! I was living in a phenomenal dream relationship, had a great job with Delta Air Lines, living in a nice house in a wonderful town outside of Atlanta, Georgia; money in the bank... Everything I ever dreamed of was right in the palms of my hand and it was such a awesome feeling. But here I am now, two years later: The dream relationship, or what I thought was a dream relationship only became a distant thought and me and my strength had to walk out the door. The biggest part of my life... gone! Just like that - gone! Some of the ulterior motives were revealed and all I could do is just shake my head like, "Really? REALLY?" I shut myself away from people, stopped enjoying myself and basically stopped living. The great thing is that we serve a God of SHIFT.

     Even though I felt like my life had crumbled and I was losing my perspicacity, God shifted everything to work out for my good. Yeah, I lost the relationship, but I gained so much out of it. I gained wisdom, strength, and endurance to fight against all things that try to stumble me. All aspects of life requires strength and dealing with what I dealt with allowed me to obtain it.  So I am thankful for that. God gave me the ability to try out for a new job, which not only gives me the ability to do all the things I want to do with myself, it also gives me the ability to use my heart to bless somebody's day. I can finally shine! Even though Atlanta was always my dream place to live, it's not going anywhere. So where is my life taking me? Washington D.C. It won't be before long where I'll find me a place to live and make it my own... and the money will keep flowin' in and my financial situations will diminish. I have faith in this. So this Thanksgiving will always be a rememberable one because it was not only the day that I moved away from Atlanta, but it's the day that I began to live.

     Thus It Begins... the rest of my life forward. I'm taking the new lessons and flaws I've learned in the past and using them to help perfect myself. Old traits that I needed to let go, they soon will be gone. I'm getting another chance to to live, and I am going to live. Nothing is going to stop me. I'm going to open up and continue to focus on me and my talents that God's blessed me with and, OH! The beauty of how God works is that when one person is taken away from you, God shifts someone right back to you. Actually in my case, they had been there the whole time. I just should have opened up my eyes sooner. The person that God has shifted in my life I plan on keeping on my side for a very long time and I know the results will be phenomenal. They are a very special individual to me and I know that the chemistry we have together we will help each other grow. So babe, if you are reading this right now, you know where I stand with you. I'm praying you want to be the one standing next to me.

     So as I make that 8 hour drive from my hometown in South Carolina to my new hometown of Washington D.C., I'm going to have an "I-95 I'm FREE" party. All the chains that once held me back will never hold me back again. I'm propelling into my destiny and there's nothing that can stop me now. I shall live and not die. That's why today will be one of the most memorable days of my life. I'm not doing this for anyone but me and that's what makes today a WHITE Friday. It's pure... it's right... it's me. So today, thus it begins!

Dream Come True

 

Hello, my dear…
I just want to keep your heart close and near
To ride or die,
then K.B. will always stay by your side.

From ATL to DCA
2 hours on a Delta flight
I promise to always be there
to support you through all your dreams
I know it ain’t an easy road
So many things went down the drain
it seems like its pouring rain.
Just stay encouraged `cause I am with you.
I know you like me and
I know you make me happy
and I’ll try to do my best to be with you…
I just want to be your

Dream Come True
I will see to it.
Turn your cloudy skies blue…
I’ll be right there through it.
All because I want you, babe…
and your heart deserves it.
Because every day I’ll pray to be
your Dream Come True.

Hey babe, I know…
it is a sacrifice on your part.
And I commend,
your patience - to stick on my side though we’re apart.

My cell phone’s always ringing out…
gotta’ be a brother, uncle, model, and manager…
tougher than the hardest rock.
It’s always something going on with me
I gotta’ make goals for my life
I’m thirsty for my destiny
Which soon just might include you and me
So that we can both live happily.
I know you like me and
I know you make me happy
and I’ll try to do my best to be with you…
I just want to be your…

Dream Come True
I will see to it.
Turn your cloudy skies blue…
I’ll be right there through it.
All because I want you, babe…
and your heart deserves it.
Because every day I’ll pray to be
your Dream Come True.

And I know that we both are going through a healing process…
but I’ll continue to strive to be the best thing next to you
You continue encourage me and I’m so thankful for it.
I close my eyes and see that you are my Dream Come True.

Dream Come True
I will see to it.
Turn your cloudy skies blue…
I’ll be right there through it.
All because I want you, babe…
and your heart deserves it.
Because every day I’ll pray to be
your Dream Come True.

Spaghetti Junction

   The past two weeks has been one of the most overwhelming periods of my life! Two weeks ago last Monday, I separated from my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm not one to hurt anybody, however, I've been selfish to myself for a long time in putting other people in front of me and kicking my happiness, growth, and emotions to the side. I said, "No more of dis' shit," and I finally put me first and it feels great! Our relationship wasn't perfect and he was not a bad person, but the dynamics and complexities got the best of us and I had to make me a better person. In the midst of me moving out of the house, my Toyota Camry broke down and that made moving from the suburbs to the city a challenge! Not only was it an unexpected expense I definitely didn't need, the timing was horrible. They say "when it rains, it pours." Well hell, I have a damn severe thunderstorm right over my head. I did get everything settled in my new temporary lodging with a coworker who lives in the vicinity of my job. That's made life so much easier. 

     I also ended my two year run with my job with Delta Air Lines. I love Delta, and I enjoyed my job (especially the travel), but I had to do something that I felt I would be happier with. So after going through some processes, I began my job today as a flight attendant for Delta Connection/United Express. I'm very excited about this position because it fits my personality to a tee! I love to travel so shit, I might as well get paid for it. They bombarded us with information including that I will have to move away from Atlanta. Atlanta, Georgia is one of my favorite places in the world, but I believe I need to venture out some, though I KNOW I will be coming back because I do enjoy it here so much. This is the first time in my life I've been solely on my own and so I want to explore the world and see what it's like to be on my own. So upon successfully completing my training, WASHINGTON D.C> will be my new home. I'm semi-excited about it, but I'm going to make the best of it. Two weeks is not a lot of time to move so between classes, I'm working out things to get myself ready to head up North.

     To make things even more interesting, there's this guy that I'm really attracted to. I know, I know... it's soon, yes, but for some reason, this guy has been in a different entity than anyone else... PERIOD. We've talked off and on for 5 years, a more lately, and he is nothing short of amazing! He's smart, beautiful, talented, compassionate.... some of the feelings I was lacking in my ex.  I think what amazes me even more is that this guy actually likes me! Have you ever seen someone who is so gorgeously attractive and has a lot of people falling all over them, and then they like you and it makes you say, "Damn, yo... why is you feelin' me?" Although I can see myself with this person and I believe they can see themselves with me, right now, I want to focus on getting myself together and settled so that way when I'm ready to take it to the next level, I'm stable enough. One thing that's different about me and break ups is that I don't dwell on them. For me, dwelling on them makes the forward movement slower; so I heal quicker by not dwelling on it. I won't say I'm fully healed, but I know this move to Washington D.C. will help me out in that category. Now, it's purely coincidental that this guy I like lives in that region, so I guess it's an opportunity to really get to know this guy on a face-to-face basis... though our first encounter was like... purely unexplainable.

     I feel like I have a SPAGHETTI JUNCTION of feelings going on, coming from each direction. It's so much in such a short period of time, it's like, "WOW." I don't know what the future holds, but if all holds right, right after Thanksgiving, I'll be in Washington, by December, be making my rounds, and maybe around January, have me my own spot so I can be ready for this new relationship by my birthday in February (laughs). Guess we'll have to look up and see what The Heavens Are Telling. Until then, I'll get through this spaghetti junction feeling real soon. 

The Introduction of K-Beezy

     What it is, y'all? Aiight, so first of all, I want to let each and every one of you know that I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read my thoughts and getting a glimpse of my life. Lord knows it hasn't been the easiest of journeys, but it is a journey nonetheless. So, I thank you. I really do appreciate it. So, this is my very first blog on this website that I learned about from a special friend of mine. I spent several years writing on the blog site Xanga, and I took a sabbatical from the whole blogging thing. SO much has happened in the past few years that I should've been writing, so I'm finally getting back into the whole blogging thing. I ask that you bare with me as I try to get this blog off the runway.

     Aiight, so... who am I? Well, I'm 24 years old and I live in Atlanta, Georgia, though I'm originally from Columbia, South Carolina. I'm a military brat, and 2 time former member of the Air Force. I've lived all over the planet, and I work for Delta Air Lines so I travel all over too. I love to travel... always a passion of mine. Traveling is soothing. Great way to learn about people and yourself. I love music, dancing, writing, singing, acting, modeling, photography, Geography... yea, I'm kinda' artsy I guess. One of the biggest changes in my life is that I'm now single after nearly being in two relationships in the past 4 years. It's kinda weird being single because it's a whole new realm for me. I'm not used to being alone and some nights I have those thoughts like, "Damn... I'm nobody's babyboy anymore," but... I'm making it. Although I am single, I can say that there is someone that has caught my eye, but... I'm taking this one very very slow. I want to spend some time to focus on me before I jump into another relationship. I figure if I get myself where I want to be, whenever the next person comes along I'll be ready for it.

     That's a lil' about me. As this blog breaks forward, you'll definitely get closer to me and the adventures that I call my life. Again, bare with me and thank you again for taking a glimpse into my life, but stay tuned! There's bound to be a crazy, powerful, tearful but uplifting odyssey THROUGH MY EMPOWERED EYES!